The world has gone absolutely crazy about superheroes. There are tons of superhero movies in the works and an endless supply of comics for inspiration. The comics industry has tried to capitalize on the success of heroes like Batman, Spiderman and Wonder Woman, but the results aren’t always that great.
Our list below will cover ten heroes whose powers seemingly don’t make sense. With so many attempts to create new heroes, not everyone can be a winner. Jazz, Squirrel Girl (really?), and Almighty Dollar are just a few of the incredibly goofy heroes that have been created over the years. Some of them even have catchphrases that are worse than their names and powers. Maybe these comic book publishers are the real supervillains. So cozy up in your very own “Fortress of Solitude” and prepare to marvel at some of the most useless power-ups ever published.
Related: 10 superhero actors who have their own tragic stories
10 Hindsight Boy
Hindsight, boy! Just saying his name brings a smile to my face. Marvel Comics created this hero. His name is very appropriate, and his powers are very useless. Flashback Lad has the incredible power of (you guessed it) flashback. After several missions with his superhero friends, Hindsight Lad analyzes and understands how events could have played out differently. I guess hindsight on him is 20/20?
Clearly Marvel was scraping the bottom of the barrel when they came up with this one. To be honest, Hindsight Lad seems more like an annoying friend than a superhero. Whats Next? The driver in the backseat? The grammar checker? Some of the other heroes on this list have even more useless powers.
Cypher has one thing that many heroes on this list don’t: a cool name. With such a cool name, it’s a shame his power seems pretty useless. Cypher is one of the X-Men, like Wolverine, Storm and Cyclops, but his power lies in linguistics. His mutation is that he can understand all languages. While that may have seemed cool (or at least useful) at the time, now that we’re all walking around with Google Translate in our pockets, it seems totally pointless.
It seemed like Marvel came to the same conclusion back in 1988 when they killed him off in a comic. Turns out his story wasn’t over because he came back to life in 2009. I think a mutant power to understand different languages would barely qualify you as an X-Men, but I guess Professor X had to up his enrollment numbers. . Cypher’s very specific and rarely useful power makes him one of the most useless heroes of all time.
8 squirrel girl
Yes, seriously, there is a comic book hero named Squirrel Girl. I am convinced that they only made this character because the name rhymes. There is certainly no other rhyme or reason for this character. Squirrel Girl is like Aquaman, except her powers work over the ocean and she can only communicate with one type of animal: squirrels.
If you’re in an emergency involving a squirrel or an acorn, this is the hero you want to come to your rescue. Otherwise, she’s pretty useless when it comes to heroes. Squirrel Girl also gains some of the powers of a squirrel. She can chew wood, she has a tail (for balance I guess?) and she has sharp claws. Squirrel Girl is a member of the Great Lakes Avengers, along with another no-nonsense hero on our list. Some of these heroes are crazy ideas, to be sure, but the creator of Squirrel Girl must have been completely insane.
7 almighty dollar
Like many, Almighty Dollar is a hero with a secret identity. However, it seems that his secret identity would be quite easy to crack. His name is J. Pennington Pennypacker, which is already a big clue. Almighty Dollar also works as a CPA during the day. You have read well; Almighty Dollar not only has a name that gives clues to his identity, but he also works as an accountant!
Almighty Dollar can shoot pennies from his wrist. Not only is his powers disappointing and his secret identity isn’t very secret, but Almighty Dollar also has an embarrassing catchphrase. When he’s chasing his enemies (tax evaders?), he says he can “throw money at my problems.” As you might have guessed, this character didn’t stick around for very long, and customers didn’t want to spend a dime, let alone dollars, on these comics.
Many of the most recognizable heroes in comics belong to the two largest publishers, Marvel and DC. The next hero on our list was the brainchild of a much smaller company, Image Comics, as part of their “Youngblood” series. At least apparently. Badrock looks suspiciously familiar. This is because he is basically a copy of a much more famous hero, Marvel’s Thing. This means that his powers include super strength and damage resistance.
However, this wasn’t the only aspect of Badrock that Image Comics ripped off. Initially, Badrock had a better (or at least more logical) name of Bedrock. The creators of the Flintstones cartoons (Hanna-Barbera) contacted Image Comics and quickly changed the name to Badrock. Badrock’s catchphrase? “Yabba dabba doom.” Oh! I think it’s fair to say that Badrock’s character was doomed from the start.
Comics and comic book heroes thrive on their unique qualities and creativity. Badrock had neither and just became a no-nonsense hero.
5 phone ranger
AG Bell was just an ordinary telephone repairman. Yeah kids, that used to be a real job. He went from house to house repairing home phones. Until one day, his life changed completely! AG Bell was helping a customer repair his phone when he noticed that the phone contained a message from an alien race. AG Bell created a super suit and a new personality using this alien technology. This is the origin story of Phone Ranger, another Marvel hero on our list.
The Phone Ranger suit allowed him to connect to any telecommunications device. This allowed him to quickly respond to emergency calls. Unfortunately, his lack of useful powers led to an untimely death. While Phone Ranger may have seemed like a cool idea at the time, looking back it seems ridiculous. His special power was connecting with phones. Don’t phones do that anyway? While his origin story was far better than most on our list, Phone Ranger’s powers were seemingly pointless and even ridiculous.
4 sharp top
The next hero on our list is one with regional roots. He is the hero of the state of Arkansas. Or he was designed to be, at least. Buford Hollis was a truck driver before he became the hero Razorback. Razorback has multiple powers, all of which have questionable utility. First, he has the “power” to drive, pilot, or operate any vehicle. He always calls his vehicle “Big Pig”. While this is impressive, is it really a power?
His other power relates to the large pig’s head that he uses to cover his head. It is electrically charged. Razorback is a clear attempt to please the state of Arkansas, but it was unsuccessful. Despite the best efforts of Marvel writers, including introducing the Razorback in the comics with Spider-Man, She-Hulk, and other famous heroes, the Razorback never achieved the same popularity. Maybe it’s because he’s a glorified cabbie in a silly hat.
Jazz, or John Arthur Zander, is another Marvel hero with mindless powers. Jazz’s father was a genetic mutant who felt no pain. Because he was not visibly a mutant, he was able to live in normal society. However, Jazz was not so lucky. He was born with blue skin. Maybe this wasn’t so much a “superpower” and more of a skin condition.
Jazz had a difficult story arc throughout the Marvel comics. First, he left home at 16, trying to become a famous rapper. He must not have been a great rapper because he was unsuccessful and eventually started dealing drugs. Ultimately, in one of the most pathetic deaths of a hero in comic book history, Jazz was killed by another mutant, Johnny Dee, who created a voodoo doll of Jazz. Despite being branded a mutant, Jazz had no useful powers and only suffered from his blue skin.
The next hero comes to us from another planet. Hepzibah is a mephytisoid species, which means that he is a humanoid with skunk-like features. In fact, Hepzibah isn’t even his real name. His real name cannot be pronounced because it is a series of scents. Hepzibah is a nickname for another comic book character, Corsair. His powers are as strange as his name and origin.
She is acrobatic and has superhuman night vision and smell. The most unique thing is that she can emit pheromones. Hepzibah has been embraced by the furry community for her animalistic features, but in general, her powers are pretty useless. She definitely has an unforgettable look with a huge skunk tail. In recent comics, she has become more like a cat and less like a skunk. Her ears and tail may have changed over the years, but her powers are still mostly useless.
1 Mr. Immortal
The last hero on our list has a pretty dark origin story. When he was young, the villainous Deathurge tricked Craig Hollis into starting a fire. The fire ended up killing Hollis’s parents. This obviously left Hollis feeling down. Her depression led him to suicide attempts. When Hollis realized that he couldn’t kill himself, Mr. Immortal was born.
He began trying to fight crime on his own. Eventually, she formed the Great Lakes Avengers along with Squirrel Girl. Mr. Immortal, as you might guess, cannot die. When he does, he is quickly resurrected, often in fits of rage. While this is certainly an amazing power, it’s not very useful compared to flying, super speed, or superhuman strength. Mr. Immortal’s origin story is sad, as is his superpower.